Well...hmmm

It's been how long since my last post 0_o. amazing. Aaaaanywho, My birthday was a week and 4 days ago. It wasn't too great but hey! I didn't ask for anything. Although some of my new friends from J. Frank Dobie High bought me gifts even though it was strictly against my birthday rules. One of the gifts was a home made braclet from my friend Shea. I really like it :) well I was walking through the hallway with it on. It got caught on my purse. I struggled with it for a while somehow never hitting the people in the crowded hallway. My friend asked me if i wanted help but I refused. As I still fiddled with my braclet I heard someone yell "Look out!" And BAM! I hit my head on the metal seperator thats inbetween the hallway doors. A loud smacking sound was emitted from the crash. I looked amazed and walked around it. I was a bit dizzy but it didn't hurt even though it sounded like it did. I started laughing a bit and my friend asked if i was alright. I was fine. That my friends is my epic fail of the month. Moving on! I'm in only 2 Pre AP classes even though I should be in all Pre AP because I think public school dumbs down the curriculum a bit. I'm making good grades which is weird....I usually make great grades....Maybe it's because I'm stressing over my mom and my brother, as well as school work mixed with my friend problems. On the up side My Pre AP english classmates look up to me even though they don't know my name. they call me "deep girl" because I look at things in many ways and respond with a well thought about and insightful answer. Pre AP Geometry is where I'm falling behind but I'm catching up. As for my social status, I ccouldnt care less about what anybody at the school thinks because I'm happy with who I am. I do however get really angry when people judge me and they don't even know me. Some people from my P.E class do that a lot. Aside from that every guy I meet at that school that becomes my friend is too clingy >_< They follow me around and text or call me waaaaaay too often and it scares me 0_o. I guess I'm just used to everyone knowing me at WCS and not having the need to ask me all sorts of questions. I'm not all that interesting anyway :P I do miss WCS though. I miss The teachers and my friends. (If you're reading this Coach Hawley then in specificly I miss you! :P) I still text and call my old friends but I think I miss them way more than they miss me. I just hope they don't forget about me. Well that's all I have for the update. I've learned from highschool that you should never overstress. Its bad for you! Never forget those important to you. DON'T PROCRASTINATE! :P

Don't You Forget About Me. Don't Don't Don't Don't. Don't You Forget About Me
As you walk on by, Will you call my name? As you walk on by, Will you call my name? When you walk away.
Don't You Forget About Me. Don't Don't Don't Don't. Don't You Forget About Me- Don't You forget about me- Simple Minds

Music of the soul

Ok so today is my last day of summer. I tried to enjoy it. I spent part of my day with one of my skater friends. Then I spent some time with my mom :) But That's not what I wanted to talk about. I have a huge collection of cds. I just pop one in and listen to whatever comes on. The one that hit me the most and actualy made me scream is called Blurry by Puddle of Mud. This one usualy strikes me the most because one of my best friends, Cody Rowe, loves this song. a while ago maybe in either 6th or 5th grade, Cody and I started to talk and he brought up that song. He said he really loved it and told me to listen to it. The next day I did. I really did love the song. The best part is through 3 years I still love that song and mainly remember it because it reminds me of Cody. Cody's always been important to me which makes the value of the song increase 10x. Its amazing how certain things make you react because of what theyre connected to. I always connect my music to my friends but I think my connection with this song and Cody is the strongest one I have. I just think it's really cool and I hope Cody reads this :) YOUR ONE OF MY BESTEST FRIENDS CODY! haha anyway

Please Pray for:

My family who is going through so much

Matthew Fabian (to heal up)

Every Freshmen going to have their first day tomorrow (including me :D)

For Meagan and the babies in Africa

And last but certainly not least Coach Hawleys Faith :)

THIS IS FRUSTRATING!!

GRRR! Ive been improving my vocals all summer (thats not the frustrating part) So ive been singing gospels that ive learned that are meant to be sung a cappella (no instrumentls just saprano alto tenor and bass vocals) And I never learned the name of the singers :( I really want to go buy a cd by the ones that i first heard of :o. The first song I heard that was sung a cappella was called running just to catch myself but it was like a school re-endishen by an a cappella group that visited WCS. Its also heard on the 6th grade (2007) graduation video at the end. I happend to suggest that song to Mrs.Tinkler and she put it in there :D I was so happy when I heard it. But I'm so frustrated because I can't figure out who they are. I'll i've got are the lyrics that I learned and the music from the graduation dvd. I wish I had more to go on. I really could use some help figuring out who they are because I really love their music. and it could help improve my vocals a lot. The best way that i improve my singing is by singing hymns and gospels that ive learned and evaluate what Ive done like my posture, my breathing, my vowel sounds, my pitch ect. all I've got for now is the songs that Ive grown up with. I just wish I knew who they were ._.

A good way to see things

I didn't have to great of a day today but I guess it's ok. I mean I felt like my friends didn't want me around and it kinda brought me down. I felt rejected. But you know theres always a positive side to the same story. I started to hang out with some of the younger kids that are my friends. I hung out in the choir room and saw them progress. It makes me happy to see how much theyve grown. I guess they kinda looked up to me. And to see them still enjoying their life and having a great time makes me think that they learned maybe a little bit of something from me. I was always upbeat and making jokes and smiling in school and I guess thats just a little bit contangeous. I cant take all the credit though. They also choose to be that way which is great. Im actually really proud of them. I hope they continue to use that same attitude throughout the whole school year. As for my older friends...well The ones that are the same age as me kinda didn't want me around. Where as others were a little bit more accepting. I have a friend at WCS thats a Junior and he looks out for me. Its really cool because I do the same for him. I really do miss my friends and teachers but I have so many more oppertunities at mt new school (Dobie). I wanted to persue my dreams and since I love my friends a lot they know I'm going to stay in contact with them. I needed to persue my dreams and the choir at Dobie is my shot. If I can I may even compete with them and that would make me really happy. As for other aspects of my life? Well I can handle them. I've got a lot of people looking out for me and thats the great part. No matter how many trials I go through I know there are people there for me. And of course God is always there to back me up. I get knocked down, but i get up again! Ain't nothing gonna keep me down :)

Appologizing and Forgiving

*sigh* my life can completely change within a week....Did you know that? Realizing that having the power to forgive is not something that should be overlooked. Being able to forgive makes you just as strong as someone who will admit what they have done and appologize. I don't know why but yesterday i told my ex (the one thats been bugging me) that I was sorry for any trouble i had caused. After I had done that he asked if we could start over. Become better friends again. I agreed....I didn't think I should be sorry because I hadn't done anything wrong. Maybe thats just me being bitter from being hurt so many times. I took into consideration how he felt and started to feel guilty. I knew appologizing would be the best way to not lose one who used to be my best friend. Letting down your walls and lowering your pride may be one of the most important things you can do in life when it comes to any kind of a relationship. There are times when you have to admit that youre wrong. everybody makes mistakes so Never feel bad when you make one. Learn from it and dont regret it. Dont ever be afraid to say "Im sorry" or "I forgive you"

Summer recap

I know I havent blogged all summer so i thought "Hey i cant sleep so I'll blog" well for starters i should catch up yeah? starting with June. I went out with a guy. first week he was gone with his family. 2nd week was a lot of fun. 3rd week..he hung out with his friends thats fine. 4th week. did the exact same thing.....he didnt spend time with me anymore. I asked him why he hadnt made time for me and he didnt know. i asked him why i was around he said he didnt know he also said i was no fun and clingy. I asked him why i was kept around again he said he didnt know. i asked him if he even had a reason as to why i should be his girlfriend. he said no. so i broke up with him. Before that went down my parents had decided to go through a trial period of seperation. they wanted my brother to go with my dad to the other side of town and wanted me to decide who to go with....i stayed with my mom and my brother stayed too. but on the night i had to make a desicion i called my boyfriend (whos my ex the one ive been talking about) crying and tried to tell him about it. he was laughing with his other friends. he didnt even care to pay any attention to me......it made me feel horrible. Oh have i mentioned that im on medicine? yeah my dad took me to the doctors who sent me to a phychiatrist who gave me medicine for depression. it helps level my stress. My brother argues with my mom constantly my dad lives alone in his new appartment my moms seeing another man while still married to my dad my brother isnt doing anything with his life and im the only one to see all the mistakes and i want to do something about it and it stresses me out even more so than i already am. to top it all off my ex (the one i was talking about) still bugs me. I made him a present for his birthday a couple days after we broke up. I couldnt leave my house so i asked him if he could come get it. He was at a friends house near my house. he said no and called me a crybaby. that got to me and i cried. he actually did stop by but didnt even say thank you. He still dislkes me but contacts me through text messaging. still being mean. he says he dislikes me for certain reasons (reasons which are just human error that i have actually overcome) and I'm tired of it. i have so much stress! I felt lke a jerk today because i forgot about party my friend had...i went to the movies with my brother in stead and it wasnt too great...i felt so bad and pathetic...and now my ex is bugging me making it worse. i just need God as a guidence...ive gne through so much and school starts soon so the stress i guess is just starting :( please...I need help :(

So much to type, so little time

First off HAPPY MOTHERS DAY :D ok um I have to type fast because Im taking my mother out for dinner at a very upclass expensive resturaunt (The Melting Pot). I have been thinking about Washington D.C. Everybody had the same thought when we came back....."I wanna go back!" The first thing we felt was HEAT! I couldve died in that hallway they make you enter after you get off the plane. I tasted the humidity and it was horrible! But then I remembered that I had lived here all my life and that I'm used to it. D.C was amazing though. It was raining when we got there. The rain was different from Houston rain. It was cleaner and softer then Houston rain. I loved it. Everywhere you looked, there was green! I loved that. In someways I couldn't stop thinking "Hey...we're in D.C?????" Because it isn't too different from Houston (When you get to the city that is) But then I look around and notice all the differences and think "Wow...this is deffinately D.C" The land wasn't the only thing I was excited about. We met people from all over the country! There were many students from Alaska, Montana and Illinoise. It was amazing. I made a couple of friends from Alaska and Montana. I will miss them but I have gotten their e-mails and numbers :). They really were great. The day we were set in the hotel, they divided us into worshop groups. I wasa in worshop 4 with one of the awesomest leaders, Alex. She was cool and laid back. She taught us in a way that we could learn and still have fun. She also laughed at the random things we had to say. She even let us name our worshop "The Sexy Squirrels". Our group was the loudest and fun. Next were the sights. We went to Jamestown, which I did not like very much. Over half of it was just about the Powatan Indians. Then we were off to Williamsburg. We saw the way the colonists used to live. We saw a well and an olden time drug store. It was pretty great. The next day we say the Thomas Jefferson Memorial which was amazing. I liked the FDR Memorial better though. It was completely flat because He had polio. There were many a quotes that I liked. The one That I picked out was "I will never forget that I live in a house owned by the Americans and that I have their trust"-FDR. It was great. I took pictureds of all the quotes. The next day we went to the WW2, Korea, Vietnam, and the Lincoln Memorial. My favorite wasa the Lincoln Memorial....I don't know why :P I just felt something when I walked through the door. Again I have many pictures :) Then the next day we were to leave :( We said our goodbyes and boarded the plane and here I am :) If you ever get a chance to go on the close up trip.....GO! Next up...Summer! I've been thinking....since I'm falling for the guy I fell for last year....will the summer be the same way or better? I remember how fun the weekends were when I was with him. How he made me smile just by being there with me. How we had so much in common and could have an entire conversation just by using facial expressions. I really do miss those days but this summer, will be the best summer ever because he's coming home and home to stay :) From what I've heard from my friends, he's falling for me too so I should have a great time :) I'm just very impatient. Well I'll focus on how easy this weeks algebra lessons are and pass the test with an A! Then everything will be smooth sailing from there :) I've gotta go get into my fancy clothing now so I can take my mother to dinner. Bye bye :)

My tale, Angelica's Fail

So yesterday my brother got his birthday present early. He got tickets to his favorite musical. He decided to take me and my aunt's friend. I was happy that he picked me, especialy since I loved the musical almost as much as he did. He said he was going to be in it one day, which I don't doubt. I observed the plotline for the hundreth time and found that it was more than what it was portrayed as. It was about friendship, trust, fights, how to stick together, Love. One of the main characters had died (I cried) and everyone started to fight because that character kept everyone together. i simply loved it! The actors/actresses were amazing! The emotion they displayed! The voices they had! My brother and I had goosebumps! When we got home a cake lay waiting for mike in the dinning room :) It was pretty cool (He's 21). The next day was school and of course everyone is talking about the swine flu. We can fight off the inffection because we have better treatment in America and better imune systems so people shouldn't worry. After school I went to Angelica's house so we could see the school play. We took pictures together and walked to a park seeing as how we're best friends. Angelica said that it didn't start until 7. We got there at 7:10.........IT STARTED AT 6!!!!!!! we came in near the end....So Angelica epicly FAILED. But we still had a great time and took great pictures :) Can't wait for D.C! Well I have to leave now so my mother can get on. Bye bye

How to Save a Life

No this blog has nothing to do with the famous How To Save A Life song by The Fray. However it is about what I found when I walked into my brothers room. My brother had called me right when I got home and he asked me to go into his room for a minute. I thought he had brought one of our friends over. I got knocked on his door and heard a peculiar sound....is that what I think it is? I walked in to find a small orange kitten crawling around on his bed meowing loudly and looking blindly for its mother. I did what every girl would've done at that moment "Awwwwwwww he's so cute!". I walked over to pet him. his claws were out but thank goodness he did not have his teeth yet. My brother looked at me with puppy dog eyes. He wanted ME to watch the kitten while he went to work. I was afraid to though. I was afraid that I might hurt the fragile little thing. That's when my grandmother walked in. We were afraid she would kill us for getting another kitten. (we had already raised at least 10 cats that now are the neighborhood cats) "Why do you have another cat here?!" She asked surprised. Mike explained that our aunt had a friend who found the little kitten in their car and gave it to them. They couldn't keep it. I was disgusted that someone just left the kitten there :( but my grandmother decided we could keep him. she even went to the pet store to buy him some formula and a bottle. He's a rascal he is. he keeps tring to climb out of his box :) He's so cute and I will possibly have a picture of him in my next blog :) anyway TTFN (Ta ta for now)

However puzzling life is, I'll always figure it out

Ahhh well yesterday put me in an amazing mood today :D But that kind of got ruined by some people in my class in English (No offense to them, I love them! They just weren't very cooperative.... Anyway, yesterday. One of the best days I shall ever have!

Here's the story going back 2 days to April 20th:

I was ridding in the car with my brother just listening to music, enjoying our day off from school. I told him about the movie 17 again....well how I felt after the movie anyway. I was crying after the movie. Happy tears. I was so moved. I didn't think it would hold that much or a hold over me. But anyway I was thinking. That movie gave me hope to find a guy that will love me like that guy in the movie. The first name that came to mind was Johnny. I've always had feelings for Johnny. wherever I went and he happend to be there, I got butterflies in my stomach each time. I knew I had this likeing to him. I couldn't let him go. I've never felt this strongly about a person. Well I spilled all of this in the car with my brother adding that I relly needed to tell Johnny how I felt, but I was afraid of his answer and the way he would react. The way it was in my head was I would tell him, then he's be weirded out by what I said and never talk to me again (worst case scanario) but Michael said this to me. "You can't keep living your life in fear. If you do you'll never be able to do anything" I thought about that and decided he was right. I was going to tell him tommorrow. I thanked my brother happily. That talk really helped.

April 21st:

I went to school of course and Learned things. I got home and realized that I had something to do. Of course I could only message Johnny on the internet to ask him to call me because I didn't have his number. I don't like to exchange true serious feelings over the internet.....that's just wrong >_<. I had to wait for him to get online. When he did I was going to chicken out. I kept thinking "What if he thinks I'm crazy? What if he doesn't feel the same way?" While I was thinking I got butterflies and decided to watch a video I had made. I clicked on a random one and listend to the music. as I was lsitening I recognized the song right away. The weird thing is......the chorus is the thing that made me break my doubts and send him a message. "I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have, And cannonball into the water. I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have. For You I will"-For You I Will (Confidence) by Teddy Geiger. I absolutely believed he was right! I was going to gather up all the courage I had and call him. I sent him the message. He called after about 5 minutes. I started to talk. "There hasn't been a day since summer where I haven't thought about you. I rewound the numerous moments in my mind and tried to firgure out why I could not stop thinking about you. Even when I was with my ex-boyfriend I couldn't stop thinking about you and it bugged me to no end.....So when spring break came around, I got time to think about my life personaly. I sat down and thought about you.....and I came to the conclusion that.....heh...this may sound stupid to you, but.....I am completely and utterly in love with you...." silence. He sat there and fianlly said "This isn't a joke right? You're not yanking my chain?". "Why would I joke about something like this?" I asked. "Awwwwww" He said as if it were cute. "That's amazing because I was just talking to my friend the other day about you. I told her you were the nicest girlfriend I ever had" He replied. I smiled ready to cry. I held back and listend to him talk. It was the greatest feeling in the world :). We then talked for hours about random subjects. It was weird but there wasn't a moment where the air wasn't filled with laughter. I was so happy that I could connect with him and make him laugh as well as him making me laugh. Too soon he had to leave and I hung up. I was content. I knew then that I could focus on my school work knowing what he thought. I sent him a message saying that I was glad I could talk about all of that. He told me the he was happy too and that we would see what would happen when he got back into Houston :). I was overjoyed. I was in such a good mood that I actually did my algebra homework. I'm going to be ready for the test, I'm working harder in school, and now I actually get more free time to work on my music. I'm so glad my brother pushed me to talk to him. I'm also glad I clicked on that video. Just an example of how random eents can lead up to the best thing you've ever had. Now I can say that I have figured myself out, until the next puzzle rises up from the depths of my subconcious :)

Pray for

My brother

My mother

Mrs. McKenzie Mrs. Wilcox, and Ms. McGowen

Meagan and the babies in Zambia

All of those 8th grders retaking the English test and taking the Algebra test

Johnny to have a safe trip back

The 8th graders going on the D.C trip

The students that are slacking because its the last 6 weeks

Me so that I can have more patience and better decision making skills

Coach Hawley's family and for him to have more faith :)

How Will I Possibly Make it Through the Days

Ahhh I must say this weekend stressed me to no end.....I cleared my schedual, meaning i cancled plans I had with my brother's friend, and my friends for a certain person. Well it turns out that he never did leave California because his dad wouldn't let him go :( I have so much to tell him! I was ready to pour my heart out in front of him. But he never showed :( To top that off, I angered my mom. Plus another boy says he likes me a lot but I don't see him like that and I'm hurting him just by being around him :( What am I to do? I pray and seek the comfort of others when I have troubles and my friends haven't let me down once.
On the bright side, I'm most likely going to Dobie for highschool :) Of course I'm going to miss My friends, Coach Hawley, Mr.P, Mr. Semanek, Mrs. Cindy Fletcher ect. but I would love to go to another school and meet new people.

You know what else? I always meet new people towards the end of the year.

By new I mean people I've never really talked to before. It's strange. There's a highschooler I talk to a lot because we both share a strong passion for music. It's really cool to meet someone who knows how you feel about a certain object. Ahhhh I'm tired and need to eat Bye Bye!

Pray for:

My brother

My mother

Meagan and the babies in Zambia

My cousin with her 3 month old baby :)

that woman attacked by the polar bears in Germany (even though it was pretty stupid)

Those devestated by the earthquake in Italy

For me and my problems :P

Coach Hawley, his family, and that he has more faith :)

My Hero: Coach Hawley

So I've been thinking yes? Something I do quite often. And I was thinking....who am I to look upon and think, "I want to be like them"......well recently I've been comming to a conclusion on that! I mean sure My brother was my hero but his displayment of attitude isn't always exactly what I like.
My teacher Coach Hawley has just recently lost his mother. She passed away before he could leave the state. He has been handling it well. I really admire that. Plus he still teaches his wonderful students :). I felt really bad though. I wanted to help some way. Well here's my way to help. He is OFFICIALY my Hero :) I plan to follow the same morals he has and to respect others just like he does.
This past week I also listend to a song over and over again. The song is very popular and is called Move Along by The All-American Rejects. "When all you've got to keep is strong move along move along like I know you do. And even when your hope is gone move along move along just to make it through" I know that's exactly what Coach Hawley was doing. I really made that connection. Now everytime I hear the song I think of him and smile knowing that I should keep moving forward because God is going to take care of me.
So I take this whole space just to say.....THANK YOU COACH HAWLEY! KEEP MOVING ALONG :)!

Prayer Request:

Pray for My friend Justin

Pray for Meagan and the babies she cares deeply for

Pray for those in Italy who have lost loved ones and others to the earthquake

Pray for My brother, Michael, who hasn't been the best lately

Pray for Mr. Semanek and his family.

Pray for all of the students who may slack off in the last 6 weeks (I loved Mr. White's Devo.)

Pray that I might have more patience, better moral standards and better decision making skills.

Pray for Coach Hawley and his family and that he has more faith

Keep moving along everyone :)

I'm terribly impatient

Yes I said it! I am indeed losing my patience. I'm waiting on a guy that I really like to get back into Houston! I'm losing patience with certain friends at school whom act like a jerk towards me. I'm losing my patience with all the Drama! Gah! But I'm working on it :). I have a friend that tells me everything about the guy I like. He's said some really sweet things about me. Plus He thinks almost exactly like me. He's funny and sweet. He cares for me :). She always talk to him and he always brings me up. She wants us to be together. I want to go out with him lol. But I just have to wait.
I have a couple of friends that are fighting over little things and they're both my bedst friends. I try to make them stop but when will they ever listen to me? Who knows.
On the upside, I have written my song and now need a tune so I can perform it in Social studies :) I'm sure there'll be some great acts to be seen :)
Today's McGee and Me was really cool. I was really scared when Nick's dad was on the edge of the cliff. I was thinking to myself "Help him already! He's your dad!". I heard everyone else laughing and that kinda made me mad but you know, that how they are.
My blogs just short and simple today now heres an added bonus:
Pray for:
Mr. Semanek and his family
All at WCS who tried out for HSPVA
Those who went on the TCIST trip to have a safe trip
Meagan and the babies she looks after in Africa
My friend Destiny who'se having some hard times in life
Pray for my brother Michael
Pray that I have more patience
And last but certainly not least pray that Coach Hawly has more faith :)

My Epiphany/ Life

My Gosh! I had an epiphany on thursday! Or was it wednesday? I don't remember *laughs* but anyway! My epiphany is about a guy as usual -_-' But it's good! Ahhh I finaly have found a guy. Well I found him a year ago but ok. Yeah it's the one whom I wrote about breaking my heart. Well It turn out he didn't mean to hurt me. PLUS, he has never said a bad thing about me. He talks to a couple of my friends and they have told me all the nice things he's said about me. I really did care a lot about him. I never stopped thinking about him and I just wanted him happy. If any of my friends read this will know whom I am to be speaking of. Just don't down me for it ok? I forgave him and he still cares for me a lot. He's just out of town right now. He's comming back in April though :). Well a couple days after my epiphany, there are a couple of guys (My ex and his friend) that came up to the mall when I was there. my ex's friend was being a jerk to me and a couple of my friends and it made me mad. When I told him I was writing a song I got this vibe from him (I can read people) that just screamed "So? I'm way better than you and could probably write better songs than you too" (He's also a musician but that doesn't give him a right to feel like that) I felt so horrible that I just wanted to stop writing the song but a lot of people liked my lyrics. My ex was really nice to me though :). At least we can still be friends :). Ahhhh I've gotta go do my algebra homework....(Don't tell Mrs. Shannon though! I will finish tonight I promise!)

Why do I have so much to do?

I was thinking again today. that =bad! I'll get to that later. Today I realized how much is going on in my life. I try to persue my dreams (HSPVA is the first step to becoming a singer if anything), while juggling relationships (no not boyfriend kind of relationships.) I try and make all my friends happy and try to make them laugh (for some it's harder than others), and I never get to see my brother because he's always at work. Then I have homework that I don't understand half of the time. Plus I wish I could find a guy that I could willingly like and they like me back. *sigh* so much work is to be done. I'm going to miss my friends tomorrow though because of the science olympiad trip. half of my close friends are going and the other half make class interesting. Plus I'm falling for one of the guys going on the trip and it's gonna make me sad when he's not at school @_@. To top it all of I don't understand algebra. PLUS i've got to continue to practice for HSPVA.......Hey, I just remembered that I love my parents :) I talked to my dad about school and he listened, analized, and told me what he thought like my own personal phyciatrist. :) It's so easy to talk to my father. he gave me advice and talked me through it. And when I'm at school and I don't have them to talk to, I talk to my friends :) they don't really give advice but they listen :) ehhhh I've got to go to bed now. BYE!

I Should Not Be Allowed To Think

I was in my usual mood this morning. Grouchy and tired. Then I started to listen to my music. Automatic memory activator ON! i started to think about a lot of things. Then I got to the song My December by Linkin Park. "Just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed" is one of the lines. I remember when my last boyfriend broke up with me (A month ago right before valentines day and my HSPVA auditon). I was crushed and felt like it was my fault. He said he broke up with me because he didn't feel anything. That might've been because he was grounded from me and we never got to see each other and whenever he got an opertunity to see me he never took it. I have had so much trouble with relationships. What am I missing? What am I doing wrong? My Ex and I had been together for almost 7 months and thanks to the break up, it's going to take me a while to get into another relationship. Everytime I even get close to another guy romanticaly, I think of my Ex. It still hurts but time heals all wounds right? Now that I've said most of my problems I just want to notice others. I wish I could help people in diferent cities, states, countries, Continants! I want to help all of those in need, like those in Africa. Or just homeless people on our streets! I wish we still did the clothing and food drive :( We collected a lot and helpped a lot of people. That's why Im going to raise as much I can for Honduras! :) And it's not only those kids but kids in our society who have major depression and need someone there for them! I give great advice and put myself in their shoes, and I really want to be a therapist when I grow up to help them. (I'll be the first singer/actress/writer/therapist). Love makes the world go round :) start with one person at a time. Life's not about waiting for the storm cloud to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain (My quote :)) "And I'd give it all away. Just to have somewhere to go to. GIve it all away. To have someone to come home to" -Linkin Park (special thanks to Coach Hawly for helping all of his students and being encouraging and praying for everyone! Plus I always learn something in his class and always feel better after that class)

My heartbreak story

Remember the last post I had? Yeah Ummm I met this guy. I really liked him. He was cute and funny and a nice person. He had a girlfriend though. Plus I thought he was 17. So I just kept time. I would hang out with him and be happy just to be with him. I tried all I could to make him happy. He wasn't happy. His girlfriend was putting him through so much stuff. He started to cut himself and I just couldn't take that. I tried helping him out. I didn't know what to do though. I was there for him when he needed me. He soon broke up with his girlfriend. I was glad he broke up with her if it just made him worse to be with her. He needed someone to mend his wounds. I was there for him and he automaticaly became attatched to me. I didn't want to ask him out right away (partially hoping that he'd ask me out but mostly because he could still be messed up from his previous girlfriend) We continued to hangout and I met some really cool people through him that I'm still connected to today. After the school year ended, I gathered up enough courage to ask him out (I was disapointed that he didn't ask me out though) He accepted. It didn't last long. In the next 3 days he said his mom was going to make him move to tokyo. I was crushed. I couldn't stand it. All I could do the day I found out was cry with my friends. He left that night and the following days I cried. I was so deep in sorrow and pain. And it didn't help that my brother was infatuated with someone. A couple of days into that week I got a message on the internet from that guy. He said he was comming home. I was so gleeful. I couldn't wait until the weekend. He came back but he was only going to be in town for 3 days. I felt the sadness drag me back down. I spent every moment I could with him. The day that he was schedualed to leave he texted me from his friends phone to tell me that he could stay. I started to cry happily! I couldn't believe it, but I prayed for this. I kept thanking the Lord over and over again. That didn't last either. He messaged me on myspace saying that we needed to break up but he would still love me. I felt rejected. He said it was because he was having trouble at home. I understood but I felt shot down. then a week later I met another guy who just liked to flirt with me. I liked them for a time but i was still in love with the first guy. The day before I left, The 1st guy, the 2nd guy and a few of my friends got together and played some games. the 2nd one kept flirting with me and the 1st one was jealous even though he technicaly wasnt my boyfriend. He texted me the next morning asking how I could like someone and still love him. Yeah I liked the guy but it wasn't going to go anywhere. I loved the 1st guy! >_< I talked it out with the 1st guy and we were finaly good. Next thing Im leaving on my trip. before I left I called the 1st guy and he told me to have a safe trip and that he loved me. I was so home sick on that trip. I missed my family friends, and that guy. I got home and was tired (jetlag mind you i was gone for almost a month) The next day I find out the guy that I fell in love with has a girlfriend..........He told me he was 15 at first....but I found out he was really 17. He had never been to Tokyo. He hurt me so many times and didn't even care.............I had to have time to have my wounds healed. I just keep thinking of him though. You can't really leave a memory that has that sort of impact behind. *sigh* but at least it doesn't hurt when I think about it anymore. That's just one of the obsticles I had to overcome. (This blog is waaaay tooo long)

another walk down memory lane

wow sound and music isn't the only thing that triggers my nostalgia..... I realized that today. There's always someone at my school wearing some sort of cologne. Some wear Axe. Some wear Tag (I dont get the difference) and some wear Bod. There are different scents but the one in the black bottle is the one I picked out today and Friday. My friend had it and I caught a whiff of it. Just barely sensing it set off all these memories I had. I went crazy! I love that smell. One because it smells good and two because when I smelled that smell it was of one of my friends that I was always happy with. I looked back on all the time we had spent together. He had broken my heart though. I was quick to forgive. I can't hate people. It's just not who I am. I love everyone :D. I should blog the story tommorrow, considering I've been thinking about him from the smell @_@ *laughs* Then later today I realized how complicated and crazy my gender is. I have two friends that just don't get along (both being girls) Yet they are sooooo similar! I don't get it. *sigh* I'll try and help them patch things up yet again. Im extremely nervous about HSPVA and I hope I get in =) that was completely off topic and random =D well that's enough XP BYE!

That's Life

Grrrr. The one time I miss a pep rally and something fun happens -_-' *laughs* I was studying though. Plus i think I fixed things with my friend who shall remain nameless >_> lol. they know who they are. I'm really buckling down on Science Olympiad and I'm really excited to be going. It really makes me mad though when people just sign up to miss school. I'm actually going to try and place in my event so I can go to state with the others in my team who placed :). I realized today that when I'm angry or sad that I play piano really well. I heard it and actually tried to listen to the notes I played and I swear I was about to cry from the beautiful sound. (No I'm not being concieted. I really love the piano) then I remembered the names of old songs that I really love. Like Carry On my Wayward Son by Kansas and Pinball Wizard by The Who. I really like the piano in Carry on my Wayward Son and the Acoustic on Pinball Wizard and Aqualung. =D. Ahhh I'll end it there =) "Woah oh! We're halfway there Woah oh! Living on a Prayer! Take my hand, and we'll make it I swear. Oh! Living on a prayer" -Bon Jovi

Ahh memories

I was listening to some music today to help cheer me up. I stumbled across a few of my favorite My Chemical Romance songs. I love these songs because they reminded me of certain things I went through. I don't know why but I like remembering the good and the bad times. I guess I was just euphoric during these times no matter my mood because I actually had goals to achieve. I looked forward to them everyday. I guess I like them also because it shows that I got through the hard times that followed and I'm still going strong. Plus remembering things makes me feel smart *laughs*. (No i shouldn't laugh at my own jokes....) You know, whatever song I listen to it will remind me of things that happened. weather it was 37mm by AFI on the Science Olympiad trip last year, or Jupiter the Bringer of Jollity that my friend Matt played at his concert on upright-bass, I'll always have a song in my heart, or at least my head to keep me sharp, on task, and strong. (Oddly enough I don't have a song quote for this blog)